Sometimes it can be hard to see the wood for the trees, and then othertimes it's hard to even see the trees. It probably wouldn't have escaped anyone's attention that I've not had a good few weeks. It's not easy to explain why, because it's been a mix of all sorts - I've been feeling very low, confused, frustrated, angry...feeling lonely here in our new home town, missing our old way of life, miserable and helpless at the constant bad news from Gaza, Syria....plane crashes. The list has felt endless.
I'm the type of person who feels human tragedy very acutely as if it were my own family involved. And I get myself in a guilt loop when I don't remember to feel bad for all of the other suffering. Even now I look at my list above and I know I have left off Boko Haram, child abuse in the UK, sexual violence...all the other news stories that don't make it to the headlines that leave me fretting for humanity, and wondering very seriously if I could bring a child into this sort of world. I have to stop myself endlessly reading the news and making myself upset. This is the type of thing I do behind the scenes, behind Blue Eggs and Tea. It's not quite a compulsion (though this is open to debate) but it's not always healthy either.
Why am I saying this? Well, why not I suppose. It's just me. It's just real life. It's the light and dark of a normal human being. I'm pretty assured that the people who read this blog are wise enough to know that life isn't all instagrammable photos and smiling faces 24:7. I think we all owe it to each other to be honest, and after all this is a blog about happiness and authenticity.
And actually, I do think it's possible to feel burdened by real sadness and also to seek out the glimmers of happiness. A sad, lonely person is also able to smile and see the good in the world. My heart is very heavy right now, but I also feel a lot of joy. After all, We all know that poppies grow from damaged and poor soil.
Probably within this blog is a point about the relativity of sadness, the uniqueness of it that means no one owns sadness by themselves. People are always struggling in their own ways and it's worth being gentle with people, supportive of them. It's worth investing the time in those around us to hold them up when they don't have the energy to hold themselves. Sometimes it's just simply worth asking 'will you be ok? and is there anything I can do?' without judgement on whether their heavy heart is justifiable.
I hope in the middle of what the press calls a 'grim news cycle' we can all find our own peace, so that where it doesn't exist for others we can be a stronger, rejuvenated voice for good and kindness in the world. I certainly want this for myself.